Sexy Abuse vs. BDSM

I have noticed a very disturbing trend in novels that are popular (IE Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey)
in idolizing abusive relationships. Now, I have not read 50 shades of grey, and I probably should to make this judgement. But I have read Twilight, and through the bad spelling, errors in grammar and VERY DULL plot line one thing is clear to me. Bella is a broken little girl, she gets sexually assualted by Jacob (a line about him forcing a kiss on her against her will, and her deciding it is OK halfway through, that is not healthy!), she gets abused in every way possibly mentally by Edward. He isolates her from her friends, stalks her, talks down to her ect.

So this 50 shades of grey book is SUPPOSE to be BDSM, but let me say it is NOT an example of healthy bdsm relationships. The key ingredient in a Dom/sub relationship is trust. If for example, a guy has you tied up, and gagged and you are 100% under his control, you have to trust him to not do anything on your list of hard or even soft NO lines. In my past, I have had a guy take naked pictures without my consent, then try and manipulate(and initially succeeding) in convincing me I was ok with this. Nude pictures are a hard NO for me. I don't want nude pictures of me on the internet, I am NOT ok with people having nude pictures of me, and if I find anyone spreading nude pictures of me, they can bet I am taking them to court for it. If you find yourself being 'convinced' or 'talked' into doing things you are NOT ok with, it is time to get out of a relationship. If someone loves and cares about you, they won't push you into things you are not comfortable with. Because they are a respectful human being. BDSM is about people (like myself) who enjoy pain and power play setting up firm boundaries with someone they trust and playing out scenes under these fantasies and fetishes. You need to have a safe word, and there needs to be some physical gesture you can make if you are gagged. The MOMENT this motion is made your partner needs to stop. I have personally only used my safeword once, and it was a great moment to see my partner stop and turn from playfully aggressive to kind and concerned.

So remember this when you read books where men mentally dominate women(or physically) in an aggressive and unhealthy manner. Aggression is not healthy. Trust is.